"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished for your anger"
Anger. For me it begins in the fists. A tension builds, and my nails are digging into my palms. Following this, is a twitch in my left nostril. If it rises high enough: memory loss and adrenaline.
I'm not actually talking about aggression towards others, or getting into a fight, I'm talking about being angry at myself.
This is not anger in its normal sense. With anxiety and depression issues, you find times when your condition stops you from doing certain things. This is where anger comes in. Anger can be a remedy.
When your vision goes, when you sweat, when you think you're going to die, all through irrational panic, sometimes you have to induce anger. Clench your fist, focus, and hate. HATE anxiety, tell it to fuck off. Mentally fight it. It's a tough fight, but usually anger creates logic when it fades. Much like when two men physically fight and then they are best friends afterwards, or when an argument between a couple over nothing escalates into nonsense. Except you fight it every day. Learning its techniques are vital and then you can win everytime.
Welcome to anger:
So, how do you capture anger on camera? I chose industry. The hammering, the roar of engines, the shouting of workers, and the relentless buzzing of machinery.
With anxiety, nothing is rational. During panic, everything is terrifying.
When you feel the anger at anxiety and yourself, you need to embrace it and control it. There is still the mess of panic in your head, but there needs to be self-control and discipline. I shot the above picture as it has the chipped paint and chaos, but also the regimented lines and structure of the wood. When anger fades, everything will be back in order. No chipped paint.
I can't count the amount of times I have alleviated panic by physically punching something. Don't worry, the above photo was no damage I caused. I chose this to represent the boiling point of anger, and when you finally break through the other side. Panic and anger are both gone, but the damage of the experience is there.
When anger shows, it causes sheer determination to overcome the situation. It's dedication, commitment and adrenaline that are all utilised to overcome panic. Above depicts the fiery nature of anger; with its unpredictabilty, lack of uniformity, and ugly texture. The dense shadows for me represented a fleeing fear of panic.
Finally, I needed to depict focus. We all know that when you are angry, focus is at 1000% than normal. You're gritting your teeth, fists clenched. The room at the end is what I'm focusing on. Feeling angry at anxiety, or at anything, is a fight for a final outcome, and some incredible things can be acheived through anger if it's used correctly.
With any mental health condition, each and every emotion plays a vital part. Even anger. Learning to control, utilise and recognise each emotion is vital for your own wellbeing.
Knowing your mind is the key to success.